Clients often seek my expertise to help them gain perspective on a situation or event. I’ll usually just come out and ask WHAT they’d like to change or WHY they’d like to change it and go from there. I ask these questions because I need to ensure that the desired outcome is ecological… meaning that the person will be “better off” after we’re done than they were before the session started. (Some clients may not have thought through some aspects of the change entirely, and working on this particular change, at this point in time, could leave them in as bad a spot. I want to make sure this doesn’t happen.)
What’s entailed in changing the past? Most people think that’s impossible unless you’re Marty McFly (or Doc Brown) and have access to a DeLorean. I would say that changing YOUR past IS possible in several instances and that this can be achieved by simply looking at the situation/event with a different lens (or preferably no lens at all – see blog post #8). When we experience a traumatic situation/event, we often experience tunnel vision and have difficulty seeing anything but the negative aspect(s) and/or see the situation from a single perspective. There’s usually an intense emotion attached to the event which often prevents us from analyzing the situation critically (the way your WISE advocate would).
It’s understandable that, if you’re in the middle of a situation, or just after you’ve experienced a traumatic event, taking a step back in order to see what has happened from another perspective may prove difficult. (The expression “can’t see the forest for the trees” comes to mind.) But WHAT IF, what if, after you’ve processed the event, there was a way to change it?
Back to my earlier point, no, I can’t change the event, but I can help you process it in a way that’s better for you.
I’ll share an experience with you… my own. Years ago, I was dating someone, and it ended abruptly – without any warning, or at least none that I’d picked up on. This was a very traumatic event for me as, in my mind, I thought he was the elusive “One” (my Neo, for those familiar with The Matrix). A few months after the breakup, once the emotional charge dissipated (at the time, I wasn’t even aware of the available “tools” that I now have at my disposal), I was able to change the narrative I’d been telling myself – removed the blinders, no more tunnel vision, you get the idea – and open my eyes to everything I’d gained during the time we were together and everything gained since that fateful day. Letting some time pass by was key to getting this perspective. I’m pretty sure that asking me to see the event from a different perspective the day of or shortly afterwards would have been unthinkable. My emotions would still have been too raw.
So, how does time help? It allowed me to take a few steps back and gain a new perspective on the event by looking at it from a different angle. Sometimes something better comes along days or weeks later (the event turns out to be a “blessing in disguise”), and sometimes you need the feedback of a friend, coach or therapist to get you there. This is where the assistance of a coach can be of benefit.
P.S. In these types of situations, I’ll employ other strategies such as the EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) Movie Technique to assist clients with reducing intensity/rawness.
Coaching as a solution
As a personal and professional coach, I will work with you to examine the nature and root cause of limiting beliefs and why you react as you do when processing what you perceive as positive or negative emotions. Then, we’ll investigate and unravel the emotion. Together, we determine what reaction you want to take (that fits with your natural disposition), and we begin the process of reinforcing positive reactions, even in uncomfortable situations.
Let’s solve what’s holding you back
Book a no-obligation, free discovery meeting with me, and let’s discuss how I can help you get to the root of your problem.
It’s time to create a better version of you!