Even though I find it difficult to write about myself, I find myself writing several of these blogs in the first person and hoping that my experience will be the catalyst or inspiration for a at least one person. I’ve read on a number of occasions that “Your story could be the key that unlocks someone else’s prison. Don’t be afraid to share it.” So, I’m hoping that sharing some personal anecdotes from time to time might just be what someone needs to hear to help prevent them from becoming and/or remaining the prisoner of their own thoughts.
The title of the blog is adapted from Tony Robbins’ quote, “Heal the boy and the man will appear.” I thought adapting the quote to make it gender-neutral better reflected the diversity that we live in, so I asked my friend @leah.brathwaite for her input and this is what we came up with. If you’re interested, the movie where Robbins’ quote appears streams on Netflix (I Am Not Your Guru) and I recommend it if you’ve not seen it. (Confession: I usually watch it every year.) The movie follows Tony Robbins as he conducts the “Date with Destiny” seminar which is held on a yearly basis.
To me, the quote means that until you’ve healed past childhood and/or emotional traumas (statistically, I’m informed that we average 3 to 4) and make peace with them, it’s hard to be the best version of yourself. I can tell you that a) it’s achievable and b) of everyone I know who’s gone down the rabbit hole and done the work, not a single one has regretted it.
One of the things I’ve learned in coaching is that your past traumas shape who you are. It’s akin to putting on a pair of tinted eyeglasses and looking through them vs. looking with no glasses and having perfect vision. The tinted glass alters your reality (vs. the actual reality). Effectively, past traumas continue to alter your perception of current events and situations. I’m sure you’ve heard someone say, “Why is this adult reacting like a child [or teenager, or toddler…]?” The answer is that people will often react to a triggering situation in a manner similar to their response at the age they were when they first encountered the trauma in question.
Each time you’re faced with a situation or event, your brain looks up all of your past experiences (using your memories as a database) and tries to “match” the current situation with something from your past. It’s like your brain is “googling” your past to determine if you’re safe or in danger. It does this lightning fast, and (on most occasions) you honestly don’t even know it’s happening. If the result your brain selects is attached to a traumatic memory (where you faced a threat), it might deploy the “F3 response” also commonly referred to as “Fight, Flight or Freeze.” This will more than likely alter how you react, compared to a result attached to a positive experience. The latter experience would trigger a “this is safe, OK to proceed” response.
So back to the quote… imagine that you react negatively to the reality that’s in front of you based on a trauma you’ve held onto and this childhood and/or emotional trauma negatively impacts your life. Wouldn’t you want to find out what the root of this trauma was so you can heal and move on? Doing so, will help chip away the opacity of the tinted-glass reality that you live in towards one that’s closer to 20/20 vision.
P.S. I realize that traumas are not the sole factor responsible for someone’s reaction. Beliefs can also play a role. I’ll get into beliefs (positive and negative) in a future blog post.
Don’t forget – be kind to yourself, ALWAYS! ❤️
Coaching as a solution
As a personal and professional coach, I will work with you to examine the nature and root cause of limiting beliefs and why you react as you do when processing what you perceive as positive or negative emotions. Then, we’ll investigate and unravel the emotion. Together, we determine what reaction you want to take (that fits with your natural disposition), and we begin the process of reinforcing positive reactions, even in uncomfortable situations.
Let’s solve what’s holding you back
Book a no-obligation, free discovery meeting with me, and let’s discuss how I can help you get to the root of your problem.
It’s time to create a better version of you!